


Dad Jokes

by Firerocket123456



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Burping, F/M, Farting, Father-Son Relationship, Jokes, Mother-Son Relationship, Water
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firerocket123456/pseuds/Firerocket123456
Summary: Mac tells Jake and Amy some of his best jokesAnd it does not go well...
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta & McClane "Mac" Peralta, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	Dad Jokes

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this!!
> 
> Please feel free to check out my other Brooklyn Nine-Nine stories called Parents, Motherhood, Our Little Girl, and Misunderstanding!! 
> 
> Feel free to leave Kudos on them if you haven’t already!!
> 
> NINE-NINE!!!

”Hey, baby.“ Amy said softly as she crouched down beside Mac’s bed 

”Mommy!“ Mac answered with a smile as he looked at the sight of his mother smiling at him, so he smiled back 

”Hey, Mac,“ Amy started as she lifted her son out of bed, and kissed his cheek 

”Sleep okay?“ she then asked her son as she cradled him beside her hip

”Yeah,“ Mac replied happily as positioned him beside her hip

”I slept like a log!“ he added happily

Amy chuckled in response 

”That’s exactly what Daddy said,“ Amy said to her son as she swayed side to side 

”You wanna see him?“ she asked as she bounced Mac back up

”Yeah!“ Mac responded cheerfully 

Amy giggled in response as she kissed Mac’s cheek, and walked out of his bedroom 

They walked back to the master bedroom to see Jake sitting up in bed, smiling as he gets up and walks over to his wife and kid

”Hey, guys!“ Jake said cheerfully with a smile 

”Daddy!“ Mac yelled happily as Jake and Amy giggled at Mac’s response 

”Hey,“ Jake replied as he took his son from Amy’s arms, adding a kiss to the cheek 

”Good morning, buddy.“

****

”Daddy!“ Mac yelled happily as he ran towards his father after school was over for the day

”Hey, buddy,“ Jake replied as he exclaimed as Mac ran into him, crashing into his leather jacket, resulting in Jake kissing his temple

”How was school?“ he then asked as he lifted Mac up 

“Good,“ Mac responded as he and Jake walked over to the car 

”We made pizza in cooking class!“ he added as he burped in Jake’s face, with his breath smelling of pepperoni

”Charming.“ Jake said as he waved his hand away from the smell as he opened the car door, and placed Mac in his car seat

****

”Mommy!“ Mac yelled happily as Jake opened the apartment door and Mac ran towards Amy who was in the living room

”Hi, sweetheart,“ Amy responded as she lifted her son up, adding a kiss to the cheek as she placed Mac beside her hip

”Did you have fun at school?“ she then asked

”Yeah, we made pizza in cooking class!“ Mac replied to his mother who was very impressed 

”And he burped in my face as we walked back to the car.“ Jake said as he closed the front door and took his leather jacket off, hanging it on the coat rack

Amy turned to Mac as she tucked her hair behind her ear

”You burped in Daddy’s face?“ she asked her son with a stern look on her face

Mac nodded in response

”I’m so proud of you, honey.“ Amy smiled as she kissed Mac square on the nose as she bounced him back up

”What?“ Jake asked in a high pitched voice as he placed his hands on his hips

”What?“ he added as he smiled on the inside of Amy stroking Mac’s hair and pressing her cheek to his forehead

”WHAT?!“

****

”Babe, I am furious,“ Jake started later that night after dinner was over and Amy was doing the dishes

”So, since you are my wife, and the love of my life, I challenge you.“ he added

Amy turned around, with her hair waving around, as she did a double tuck

”And what is this bet, Jacob Peralta?“ Amy asked as she scrubbed Mac’s plate with her sponge

”We both love Mac’s jokes, right?“ Jake asked as Amy put the plate on the drying rack, and the sponge in the sink

”Yeah?“ Amy asked as she folded her arms 

”The challenge is, a Try Not To Laugh challenge, we both have 5 lives, but there is a twist! We both have water in our mouths, and Mac is going to tell us his jokes, and if I win, you have to kiss my feet, and if you win, I have to kiss your feet.“ he added

”Okay then,“ Amy replied as she removed the yellow rubber gloves from her hands and put them on the tap

”Challenge accepted.“ she added

****

”Okay, are you ready?“ Jake asked his wife as they sat down on their chairs, opposite each other, with their bottles of water in their hands

”I was born ready!“ Amy responded with a straight face

”To lose? The whole question was ”Okay, are you ready to lose?“, and you said you were born that way!“ Jake teased Amy as she rolled her eyes in response

”Whatever, let’s get this started.“ Amy answered back as Mac walked over with a list of his best jokes

”Okay, the category is Dad Jokes, and the rules are simple,“ Mac started as Jake and Amy turned to their son

”Your mouths have to be filled with water when I say my jokes, you both have 5 lives, if you spit your water out, laughing, after I say a joke, because you find it so bad, it’s hilarious, you lose a life. The first person to lose all their 5 lives, has to kiss the winner’s feet as punishment. Understand?“ he added

Amy and Jake nodded in response 

”And... go!“ Mac said cheerfully

”Cheers!“ Jake and Amy both teased before taking large sips of water, and not swallowing

Jake and Amy then waited for Mac’s first joke

”What do prisoners use to call each other?“ Mac asked as there was a few seconds of silence

”Cell phones!“ he added happily

Jake and Amy squeezed their cheeks, but not too much, so that water wouldn’t leak out, and cause them to lose a life

Amy chuckled silently, and Jake giggled, but no water came out of their mouths

”I used to have a job at a calendar factory,“ Mac started as he read the next joke

”But I got the sack because I took a couple of days off!“ he added

Jake and Amy both chuckled, and eventually, Jake couldn’t take it anymore, and he burst out laughing, causing the water in his mouth, to land all over Amy’s pink shirt

”Sorry, babe.“ Jake apologized to his wife as he chuckled and took another large sip of water

Amy held her hand out in response, which meant that she was absolutely fine with it

Jake - 4 Amy - 5

”Why did Adele cross the road?“ Mac asked his parents who raised their arms up slightly in response 

”To say ”Hello“ from the other side!“ he added as he smiled

Amy and Jake chuckled a tiny bit, but it wasn’t enough for them to lose a life

”Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?“ Mac asked as he grinned, because he knew Jake and Amy would find the answer hilarious

There was silence for a few seconds 

”In case he gets a hole in one!“ he added

Jake and Amy immediately giggled as they both placed their hands on their knees, trying their best to not laugh at Mac’s joke

”Have you heard the joke about the— —“ Mac started but stopped when Jake and Amy continued to giggle

”Have you heard the joke about the bed?“ Mac asked Jake and Amy as they stopped giggling for a few seconds 

But before he could even say the answer, Jake and Amy continued to giggle about Mac’s golfer joke

”It hasn’t been made yet!“ Mac added in a high pitched voice as he giggled a tiny bit

Jake and Amy immediately chuckled, then giggled. It was obvious they found that joke good.

”What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?“ Mac asked his parents who still had water in their mouths after somehow surviving the golfer joke

”An irrelephant!“ Mac added with a grin

Jake and Amy immediately giggled at the answer to the joke and tried to not laugh 

A tiny bit of water leaked out of Jake’s mouth, and then he couldn’t hold it in any longer, and he immediately spat it out all over Amy’s pink shirt for the second time

Jake - 3 Amy - 5

”Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife?“ Mac asked Jake and Amy as Jake took his third large sip

”He needed his space!“ he added with a smile

Jake and Amy smiled, but there was no giggling, as they had heard that joke before

”What does a baby computer call his father?“ Mac asked his parents as Amy moved her chair a few inches closer to Jake

”Da-ta!“ Mac added as he smiled at the answer 

Amy and Jake both chuckled at Mac’s joke, but they still didn’t spit out their water

”Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?“ Mac asked his parents who looked at each other with straight faces as they still held the water in their mouths

”Because she kept— —“ 

Amy then surprisingly spat her water out, all over Jake who chuckled in response

”Aww, man, I lost a life!“ Amy complained as she took her second large sip of water

Jake - 3 Amy - 4

”Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?“ Mac asked for the second time

”Because she kept running from the ball!“ he added as he smiled

”No? Okay then.“ Mac then said at the sight of neither Amy or Jake laughing, giggling, or chuckling

”What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?“ Mac asked as he scanned the jokes on his list

”AYE MATEY!“ he added in a pirate’s voice

Jake and Amy chuckled in response, but neither of them spat out their water, but Jake did move his arm in a ”Yo-ho-ho“ like-way

”I once had a teacher with a lazy eye— —“ Mac started but was interrupted by Amy who spat her water out in response, landing all over Jake’s shirt a second time

”That was good!“ Amy said as she chuckled, then took her fourth large sip of water 

Jake exhaled through his nose in response 

Jake - 3 Amy - 3

”I once had a teacher with a lazy eye,“ Mac started as he repeated the same joke a second time 

”She couldn’t control her pupils!“ he added

Jake and Amy both chuckled in response 

”How do you make Holy water?“ Mac asked his parents as they squeezed their cheeks

”You boil the hell out of it!“ he added in a deep voice

Jake and Amy both nodded in agreement, with Amy doing a thumbs up

”Do you think glass coffins will be a success?“ Mac asked Jake and Amy as he smiled softly 

”Remains to be seen!“ he added

Jake and Amy smiled, but didn’t spit their water out

”You know the loudest pet you can get?“ Mac asked as he raised his eyebrow

”A trumpet!“ he added with a smile

Jake places his hand over his mouth, and Amy placed four fingers on her mouth as they both attempted not to laugh

”I bought some shoes from a drug dealer,” Mac started as he read one of his favourites 

”I don't know what he laced them up with, but I was trippin’ all day!“ he added as he chuckled

Jake and Amy both giggled in response as they found that joke absolutely hilarious

”I had a neck brace fitted back years ago. I haven’t looked back since!“ Mac then said, and smiled at Amy immediately spitting her water out, soaking Jake’s shirt once again, and some water landing in Jake’s eyes

Jake exclaimed as the water fell out of his mouth, and he rubbed his eyes

”Ames, you just jet washed my eyelids,“ he started as he and Amy chuckled

”You literally just jet washed the insides of my eyelids!“ he added as he wiped his eyes

”I’ve never seen so cleanly!“

”That joke was so bad, it was hysterical!“ Amy said as she chuckled before taking her third large sip

Jake - 3 Amy - 2

”I could tell you a joke about pizza. It’s a little cheesy though.“ Mac said as Jake snickered, with no water coming out

”The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked,” Mac started as he smiled while reading another one of his favourite jokes

”Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!" he added as Amy and Jake squeezed their eyes, as Mac did a few Donald Duck noises

”A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas,“ Mac started as he grinned as he read a joke that he knew Jake and Amy would definitely love

”These are the pie rates of the Caribbean!“ he added as Amy and Jake chuckled, then giggled at Mac’s joke 

Eventually, after holding it in for ages, the water leaked out of Amy’s mouth as she couldn’t take it anymore, causing the water to go all over her shirt and pants

”That was very good!“ Amy said with a smile as she took her fourth large sip of water

Jake just chuckled in response 

Jake - 3 Amy - 1

”Spring is here!“ Mac started happily as Amy and Jake raised their eyebrows

”I got so excited I wet my plants!“ he added

But at the exact second that Mac was finished saying the joke, which caused Amy and Jake to almost laugh, Jake then farted, as he squeezed his eyes and mouth, causing Amy to burst out laughing, as she soaked Jake’s shirt one last time

Jake - 3 Amy - 0

”Awww, I lost.” Amy complained as she tucked her hair behind her ear

”Guess you have to kiss my feet, Ames.“ Jake said happily as he took his socks off

”Okay,“ Amy replied as she did a double tuck before crouching down to Jake’s feet

”Are they clean?“ she then asked her husband

”Nope.“ Jake responded as Amy chuckled 

”Of course they’re not...“ she whispered as she kissed Jake’s left foot and gagged

”Ahhhh, it’s smelly!“ Amy exclaimed 

”Kiss the right foot, Mommy!“ Mac said as he giggled at the sight of his mother doing the punishment 

Amy then kissed Jake’s right foot and gagged again

”Ew!! That was— —“ she started but then immediately spat across the room

”Oh, God! That was a toenail!“ she exclaimed as she gagged over to the sink, grabbed a cup, and immediately filled it with water and drank it

”Congratulations, Daddy.“ Mac said cheerfully as he and Jake did a high five 

”Thanks, buddy.“ Jake replied as he hugged Mac

”The only reason you won, babe, is because you farted, right after Mac told his Spring time joke.“ Amy pointed out as she took another sip of water 

”Yep, but I still won,“ Jake responded as he picked Mac up 

”And ya lost!“ he added

”Okay, fine, I lost,“ Amy said with a grin as she took Mac from Jake’s arms

”But next time, you are going down!“ she added

”Mommy, I have something I want to give you.“ Mac said with a smile as Jake grinned, because he had a feeling he knew what was coming

”Awww, what’s that, honey?“ Amy asked Mac as she bounced him back up

Mac then burped in Amy’s face, causing the smell of lasagne, garlic bread, and apple crumble to go up her nostrils

”Ha ha! Yes! Got that on video!“ Jake cheered as he stopped recording on his phone, as Amy waved the smell of Mac’s burp

”Charming!“ Amy responded to her son as she kissed Mac’s cheek

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this!!
> 
> Please feel free to leave Kudos if you haven’t already!!
> 
> Please feel free to check out my other Brooklyn Nine-Nine stories called Parents, Motherhood, Our Little Girl, and Misunderstanding!! 
> 
> Feel free to leave Kudos on them if you haven’t already!!
> 
> NINE-NINE!!!


End file.
